Verse 1: “Got one! Don’t say so? Which did you get?
One of the kind to open and shet?
Own it, or hire it? How much did you pay?
Does it go with a crank or treadle?
I’m a single man, and some-what green,
Tell me about your sewing machine.
Verse 2: Listen my boy, and hear all about it
I don’t know what I should do without it,
I’ve owned one now for more than a year
And like it so well I call my dear
‘tis the cleverest thing that ever was seen
This wonderful family sewing machine,
Verse 3: It’s none of your [Grover & Baker, Wheeler & Wilson, Angular Singer] things.
With Steel-shod break and iron wings
would bother a hundred of his.
And is worth a thousand! Indeed it is;
And has a way – you needn’t stare
--Of combing and braiding its own back hair.
Verse 4: Mine is not one of those stupid affairs
That stands in the corner with what-nots and chairs
And makes that dismal headachy noise
Which all the comforts of sewing destroy
No rigid contrivance of lumber and steel
But one with a natural spring in the heel.
Verse 5: Mine is one of the kind to love
And wear a shawl and a soft kid glove
Has the merriest eyes and a dainty foot
And wears the charmingest gaiter boot
And a bonnet with feathers, ribbons and loops
And also an indefinite number of (hoops) rings.
Verse 6: None of your patent machines for me
Unless Dame Nature’s the patentee
I like the sort that can laugh and talk
And take my arm for an evening walk
Ready to do as the owner may feel
With the slightest perceptible turn of the wheel.
Verse 7: One that can dance, and possibly flirt,
And make a pudding as well as a shirt.
One that can sing without dropping a stitch
And play the housewife, lady or witch
Ready to give the sagest advice
Or do up your collars and things so nice.
Verse 8: What do you think of my machine?
Aint it the best that ever was seen?
‘Tisn’t a clumsy mechanical toy,
But flesh and blood! Hear that my boy;
With a turn for gossip, and household affairs,
Which include, you know, the sewing of tears.
Verse 9: Tut, tut don’t talk, I saw you whirl
You needn’t keep winking across this girl
I know your figety fumblings mean
You want yourself a sewing machine!
Well, get one, then…of the same design…
There were plenty left when I got mine."